Flowers on your grave

Its been over a year now, over threehundred and sixtyfive days of living life without you, without the man that had been in my life for fifteen thoushand threehundred and thirty days and then some. after all those years i still forget you are gone. life seems to move in moments of grace that allow me to laugh, smile, shower eat sleep and jusy live without the constandt reminder that I cannot pick up my ohone and call you. That when I come over, you wont be there.

There is no doubt now that these moments of forgetting, these gaps in life between joy and the pain of the momory of you are purely waves of Gods infinate mercy and love. After all how else can i possible get on without you if it were not for forgetting you are gone?

When the memory does come, when I see your friends, or a picture, when i hear your voice in a clip, i feel it, that lump in my chest and the hot tears behind my eyes that so badly burn to stream out, but, i smile instead. I think you would have loved this, you would be so proud, you woulda or shoulda. I now am able to take those moments, those milestones, those achievements as acts of laying flowers on your grave.

You may be gone but never forgotten, not for long. Just enough to allow life to go on. In a way the idea of each of the highlits being that moment of wishing and hoping, just makes it worth while. now i aim to do something that would have put a smile on your face or made you proud and honor you even in passing. yes each one now a feather in my hat but flowers on your grave.